That New Bike Smell

I've been working my way through a mid-life crisis for almost 25 years now and while I've quite enjoyed it so far, I haven't really had much opportunity to take full advantage of it. The bank manager won't let me have a red Ferrari and teenage girlfriends are out of the question for several reasons. However, I did mark my fortieth by treating myself to my first ever mountain bike. Sadly, that didn't lead to the life of adrenaline-filled adventure that I'd anticipated.

For one, I blew my knee out on the very first ride, less than 2 miles from the house, which required extensive physical therapy. For two, I found that even once I was back in the saddle, I was disturbingly lacking in confidence while riding. At first I figured this was simply my natural cowardice combined with my advanced age. I was fine while on easy terrain such as cycle paths or dirt roads, but whenever I tried anything more ambitious, I just didn't feel very…self-possessed. It wasn't until I'd tried and failed to complete several (fairly easy) trails that I did some more research and discovered that the bike I'd purchased was way too big for me.

Yes, I know, I should have found this out before I bought the bike but I was used to road riding and didn't realize that mountain frames are supposed to be considerably smaller. My fault, I admit; but I still like to think the salesman could have pointed out my misconception rather than simply taking my money and sending me on my way. I pushed on for another couple of years but there was no denying, I just wasn't getting as much pleasure from the sport as everyone else seemed to and more demanding trails looked to be forever beyond my grasp.

So, when I recently learned that I would be receiving a small, but in my far-from-humble opinion, very well deserved bonus, I decided that rather than allow the whole amount to be frittered away on bills and house repairs as usually happens when I come into money, I would take a portion and treat myself to a new bike. Ah, but what kind?

The basic geometry of the bicycle changed little over the first 75 years of its existence and a bike made in 1995 looks pretty much like a bike made in 1905. Many still do but in addition there's a dazzling array of freakish looking frames that bear little resemblance to the steel clunkers of my youth. The development of the rear suspension concept has probably given bicycle designers more opportunity to run amok than any other and each manufacturer has their own variation on the concept. Will these still be around 75 years from now? Somehow I suspect not but I have no doubt the 21st century will bring far more advances in frame technology than the 20th did.

Even trying to make sure I bought the correct size frame this time round was more challenging than I expected. It used to be that one simply straddled the frame and checked the distance between crossbar and groin. Nowadays, the cross bar (if it exists) is quite likely to drop off at a steep angle, joining the frame somewhere around knee height. Saddle position too, doesn't help much because as any serious mountain biker will tell you, you're supposed to shift that up and down depending upon the terrain and your direction across it. (Lower for steep downhill, higher for steep uphill - write that down).

"So how do you know which is the correct frame size?" I asked the salesman.
"Go out and ride a few" he told me. "And don't forget to try several different makes because each manufacturer has different specifications."

So that's what I did. Over the course of several weeks while awaiting the painfully slow arrival of the bonus, I went from bike store to bike store checking the models on display and playing around in their parking lots; bouncing over curbs and potholes, gravel patches and grass borders getting a feel for all the variations of the theme. It was a lot of fun too but finally the day arrived when it was time to get serious.

Eventually, I settled on a 2005 model (saving myself $400 by forgoing this year's phenomenon of disc brakes) with sophisticated rear-suspension, clipless pedals (haven't used those before either) and lots of other shiny bits and bobs. Because it was on sale the store wouldn't hold it for me without a deposit which left us living on fresh air for a week and me anxiously checking the bank balance every morning. Finally though, the bonus arrived and we headed downtown to pay off the rest and pick the thing up.

Of course, that wasn't as simple as you might think either. Unlike my last bike purchase where I handed over my money and walked out the store, the customer service at this place required me to make endless decisions regarding the pros and cons of handlebar extensions (a big help on the uppy bits), the minutiae of fine tuning the riding position, which required replacing the handlebar stem with one a fraction of an inch shorter and the selection of the coolest looking water bottle.

Of course, I'd chosen to visit the store on a Saturday. An early spring Saturday which happened to follow five consecutive days of beautiful spring weather. So, perhaps not surprisingly the place was hopping and the sales people were rushed off their feet attempting to service all their clients (and doing a darn good job of it too, by the way). This meant the whole process took several hours, punctuated by a trip to the coffee shop next door for a sandwich and a drink. I was in no particular hurry but after a while I started anxiously scanning the sky.

The brilliant blue sky to which I'd awoken was becoming increasingly cloudy and I had no doubt the weather Gods were watching with fat smirks on their faces. I've run afoul of them many times and their sense of humor has ruined enough camping trips, day hikes and yes, bike rides for me to know this is no coincidence. Sure enough, the moment I wheeled my new bike out to the car the heavens opened and the first rain we've seen in months came a-tumbling down. Now of course, my bike's going to get wet eventually - I don't intend to be a fair weather rider and trails are often muddy.

But even so, it would have been nice if I could have got ONE ride in.